There are only two months now until I leave on my journey. Please know I have so very much to write to you about and so many of those things are beautifully-written God-stories and praises. Perhaps this one is as well, but this story is not over yet. I am right in the middle of it. Please be patient with me as I struggle to share my heart with you.
My grandfather is dying. A few days ago, his doctor gave him one week to live. He has suffered with Alzheimer’s for several years and over the last few days he has lost his ability to eat or talk. My family has begun arrangements for his funeral, which my cousin has offered to allow my mom and me to watch via Skype (side note: the majority of my family lives in Mauritius, a small island in the Indian Ocean).
This blog is an account of our last Skype visit with him.
* * * * *
The image on the screen makes my stomach turn. My grandfather, whose neck is now paralyzed, lies with his head at a sever angle as though to look at the wall behind him. His cheeks are hollowed, his eyes deeply sunken, the skin beneath them a blotchy purple. Perhaps most shocking is his mouth, which hangs agape as though to gasp desperately for air. He looks like he is the victim of a concentration camp, his arms and legs nothing but bones draped with skin. For a panicked moment, I am sure he is dead. It is only when my grandmother, who has been his love and his companion for the last 58 years, tries to coax him into saying something that I realize he is not.
He doesn’t say anything, but he stirs a little, the movement seeming to take great effort. She asks if he will open his eyes for us.
I hold my breath and wait.
Suddenly his eyes flutter open into a distressingly wide stare. He does not blink and I begin to wonder if he will be able to shut them again. He starts to mumble. It does not sound like complete words but my mother tells me he sends us kisses. He seems satisfied with this and lapses back into silence.
My grandmother sings to him in French. Her voice is sweet and soothing and if I close my eyes I might imagine she is singing a lullaby to a child. I try to catch some of the words but it is too fast for me to understand more than ‘I love you’ in the lyrics. I don’t know that I’ve ever admired her strength more than I do in this moment.
All of the activity seems too much for him. He starts to shift a bit in his bed. My mom suggests that he might be thirsty.
We wait for what seems like a small forever as my grandmother touches a drop of water to his tongue. Only a second passes before he splutters and gags, unable to swallow even that little bit of fluid. I wince at his obvious discomfort. It is so heartbreaking to see him like this.
I force myself to recall what he was like when I was little. I want to remember him that way: energetic and full of life, not as this hollowed skeleton that appears on the computer screen in front of me.
I have one memory in particular that skips through my mind whenever I think about him during happier times. It is only a few seconds long, as most memories are. It is of the twinkle he’d get in his eye right before he disappeared around the corner only to reappear, accordion in hand, playing and singing with all the enthusiasm of an accordionist at a romantic five-star Italian restaurant.
I want to remember him like that. I want to remember the little boy grin he wore on his face.
Tears slip down my mother’s cheeks as she leans into the microphone to tell him she loves him. Over and over she tells him, and I wonder if she repeats herself because she isn’t sure if he comprehends her words or if she simply is at a loss for what else to say. Her voice, which started out clear begins to waver and crack, but she does not stop. “J’taime, Papa. Papa, j’taime. J’taime. J’taime. J’taime.”
I reach for her hand.
I feel as though I should say something too, but no words come. My lips suddenly feel glued together and my voice has vanished. I can only stare.
There is an inner monologue going on in my head:
This might be your last chance to say goodbye. Say something. Say anything.
What will I say? He does not remember who I am.
Anything is better than nothing.
But I don’t know enough French and I am too emotional to speak.
As I am thinking this, my little cousin, who is holding the laptop for us to see him, reaches out to caress his cheek with the back of her hand. It is such a sweet and gentle motion, full of affection and heartache. She settles her hand on top of his.
Her words ring in my ear: “I am simply doing what a girl should do for her grandfather. I will be next to him until his last breath.” A wave of guilt washes over me. They asked me to come so many times. I always had a reason I could not be there. And now I am too late.
My mom says Grandpere should rest. He looks tired from our visit.
“Au revoir, Papa,” she whispers, and I wonder if this is goodbye forever. My grandmother tells him to wave to us, the way a mother would tell a child. He stirs again, and for a hopeful second, I believe he will wave.
Instead, he shifts to put his arms under the covers.
He is cold.
The video shuts off.
In the end I did not say anything.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted;
he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
Have you ever wanted to freeze time and speed it up all at once?
This week as I worked, I watched the water of the Indian River reflect the tangerine and reds of sunset then slowly fade to the most beautiful shade of blue. Electric blue, I like to think of it, because those moments between sunset and nightfall always leave the water looking lit up from the inside. Jazz music drifted sweetly through the air and dozens of candles flickered like fireflies around me. As I took it all in, a familiar ache thudded in my heart and I thought,
I will miss this.
Have you ever wanted to freeze time and speed it up all at once?
I have.
I do.
Tonight at church as the band played and I drowned myself in worship, God dealt so gently with my heart and I realized something I haven’t admitted before (not even to myself). He asked me, in that kind, loving way that only God asks, “Angelique, how do you feel?” My heart instantly welled up (for how could my heart not respond to the voice of my Savior?) And, right away, I knew.
I feel scared, God.
Oh, I hate to admit it.I feel this pressure to be brave. Isn’t that what missionaries are? Brave? And if I tell people that I feel scared, will they think I am not trusting God? Or that my faith isn’t strong? Will they tell me the World Race must not be God’s direction for my life?
Please understand: I am thrilled at the thought of the World Race. I am ecstatic at the adventure God has placed in my path. I have complete and total confidence that this is what God is asking of me. And for many reasons I would very much like to speed up time and be on that plane to India right now.
But then I rewind a few steps and think what it will be like to step off the curb at the airport, hug my family one final time and walk away without looking back, knowing I won’t see them again for a full year.
I think about that and I feel scared.
I read blogs of World Racers who don’t just talk about the fun exciting aspects of the trip but the difficult, heart-breaking, painful things that they see and experience.
I think about those and I feel scared.
I am not just scared of the unknown but I am scared for what has already been set into place. I am scared for the things I have had to give up and leave behind already. I am scared to give up Tony. I am scared to give up Nollie. I am scared to give up my independence and my job and my income and my car and my family and birthday cake pops from Starbucks. I’m scared I might never get some of those things back (birthday cake pops aside).
Make no mistake: selling everything I own has paled in comparison to some of the other sacrifices this trip has already required of me. Maybe it’s the girl in me, but I am crying as I write this. It really is all so hard to admit to you.
And as the youth band began a new song and I’m on my knees, telling God all of this, He answers me through the very lyrics I am singing. Reminding me to trust Him with my fears.
You can have all my fears, God. You can have all my sins. You can have all my weakness. I know you’re with me to the very end.
Yes, I admit it. I am scared. Because the World Race wasn’t my idea. It was God’s. But can I tell you something? Following God requires sacrifice. Following God will cost you. But your obedience makes all the difference in the world. When He asks you to give something up, it is only because He has something so epically better in store for you. Something you couldn’t even dream up if you tried. And I don’t know about you, but I have a pretty vivid imagination.
Don’t let your fears hold you back. Take a risk.Obey.It will be so unbelievably worth it.
God can do anything, you know, far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.
(Ephesians 3:20)
Love, Angelique
PS.It seems I have already had to confess to you so many areas that I fall short in. Every time I write I am so humbled by what God asks me to share. Thank you for listening. Please believe me when I say He has been doing a work in me through these blogs to you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being a part of that.
62 days until our lease is up and I move back in with the parentals. 81 days until training camp in Georgia. 124 days until I leave for India.
Yikes.
So much to do. So little time!
Megan and I have been working hard to get rid of lots of things in our house. We’re trying to live off of the bare minimum so that it’ll be easier on us in two months when we have to move out. Last night we tackled the kitchen. We put 80% of the things we had into boxes to give to our dear friends, Joe and Katie, who will be getting married while I’m away on the race and while Megan is in Portland. It’ll be an early wedding gift from us.
We’re also hoping that less kitchen items will equal less mess. Megan and I are notorious for a messy kitchen. I know, shocker. We often wonder, ‘If someone were to walk in randomly, would he or she know that two girls live here?’ In our defense, we’re very very busy girls. We’ve both been picking up shifts like crazy to help pay for the adventures God is calling each of us to. Here’s hoping less things will mean we’ll stay on top of dishes more easily!
A few weeks ago I donated most of my clothes and accessories to Goodwill. I just kept the few things that I actually wear on a daily basis. It’s a good feeling to see the house finally starting to “slim down.” At first I was selling and giving away things like crazy but couldn’t see a difference in the appearance of our home. You’d be amazed at how much more you own than you realize. Now, it’s finally starting to show. Good thing too; we’ve gotta be out of here in two short months!
Lately I have also been more pro-actively purchasing items I need for the World Race and as I have, I have found the Lord blessing me in all directions! Thanks to an awesome sale on at REI and a gift card sent to me by a loving friend, my tent and footprint cost a third of what I would have paid for them! As for my sleeping bag, one of my World Race team members works at an outdoor store and got me a killer discount (I also paid only 1/3 of the price for this item). My best friend in the world, Miss Callie Woodley and her sweet husband, Matt, sent me yet another gift card, allowing me to purchase my sleeping pad for less than half its original price. Through a connection to the local photo store in town, I am able to order my daypack at an employee discount, and to top it off, one of my favorite coworkers bought me a sweet little lantern to hang in my tent.
What touching gestures. I am so utterly astounded by everyone’s love and encouragement! You have all helped me so much. The thought of you literally brings tears of appreciation to my eyes. You have truly made me feel cherishedandsupported.
This last week I had two wonderful photo opportunities: one was a baby shower at the Yellow Dog Café and the other was a maternity shoot for the most darling couple in my church. Baby bumps are everywhere I look! The shoots were wonderful because, of course, they meant extra money for the World Race, but also because I just thoroughly enjoy photographing people, especially ones as cute and lovely as these two mommies-to-be. I hardly believe I get paid to do what I love.
I write all of this to say thank you. When I last posted I was at a bit of a hurdle in the road and I was having a hard time getting past it. I was feeling discouraged and overwhelmed and maybe even a little bit alone. Every instinct in me told me not to share that with you. I wanted to skip that last blog altogether. Who wants to be a Debbie Downer, after all? Yet despite my reservations, Papa ushered my heart to tell you. I didn’t understand why, but now I am beginning to. It is unbelievably important for me to be transparent with you – through both my struggles and my joys, and He is granting me the ability to do so. Why? Well, because it brings Him glory. You see, He is the answer to my questions, the Solution to my struggles, and the Lifter of my head when I am discouraged, and if the valleys of this journey are not recorded, how will there be perspective to appreciate the mountaintops? So thank you for joining me through the ups and the downs. You have been nothing short of spectacular through it all.
With a heart full of affection, Angelique
“Remember today why you have been working so hard and going without
certain pleasures. Remember today the dream and calling our Daddy has
placed in your heart and take joy in the fact that you are saving up
treasure in heaven and the things you will accomplish will be pleasing
to Him. Have fun today and know that you are loved beyond belief.”
(My dear friend, Joshua Dickey)
PS. Yesterday I made raw chocolate pudding using only avocado, banana, milk, honey and cocoa powder. It was pretty darn yummy! This has nothing at all to do with this blog but it made me happy and I had to share.
I have let your emails and messages linger without replies.
I have not posted items for you to buy.
I have not bombarded you with blog posts.
I have not asked you to purchase bracelets.
I’ll admit it: I have been avoiding you.
Because let’s face it, no one likes asking for money.
I think it is especially hard for me because I am a fiercely independent person. I have always been the girl who won’t even talk about something (even to my nearest and dearest friends) until I’ve completely thought it through and figured it out on my own. That way when I do talk about it, my thoughts are not a big jumbled mess and I can sound wise and mature and not a confused or frazzled. (Secret: Despite being quite disorganized, I have this terrible need to come across as put-together.)
Asking for money is hard. It requires both the humility to admit I need help and the grace to accept help when it’s offered. It requires putting myself out there and being vulnerable with you and trusting that God will choose to use some of you to send me on this journey.
I never dreamt I would have the opportunity to go on an adventure this radical. I never thought that I would need to raise support for anything, let alone this seemingly impossible amount. Who knows where I would have been had the Lord not snagged my heart, shook up my plans and pulled me in this direction. I am so so confident that He has asked me to do this and I know that He is calling me out of the comfortable and asking me to enter into an extraordinary level of trust.
I wish very much that I could sit down with each of you and share my true heart about this. I am doing my best to convey this sense in my heart of awkwardness and simultaneous joy in pursuing that which the Creator of the universe has asked of me. I want you all to know that my heart overflows with love at the thought of the precious gifts He has given me in your relationships. I am so undeserving of such remarkable blessings. So, thank you for reading this far. Thank you for even thinking about praying or sending money.
I truly believe that a part of this experience requires depending on the support of others, through prayer and encouragement and finances. Asking for prayer and fundraising are just as much acts of obedience as stepping on the plane and leaving everything behind. Knowing this, I tried it out for a little bit. It was alright at first, but as soon as it grew uncomfortable, I ditched the support letters and prayer chains and concentrated instead on doing it all myself. I picked up as many shifts as possible, cut my grocery budget down drastically, and cancelled my World Vision child sponsorship.
Wanna guess what happened? I found out I can’t do it on my own (Yeah, I know. Duh. Could have seen that one coming). Despite all my hard work, I wasn’t getting anywhere. I started feeling like I was trapped inside a board game.
‘Laptop breaks. Miss a turn.’
Or ‘Unexpected car payment. Go back 3 spaces.’
The more I tried, the more hurdles came my way. I come to you now, utterly exhausted, and in the quiet of giving up I realize that God has been waiting on this all along. He has been trying to teach me a lesson on dependence… dependence on humanity… on my church family… but more than anything on Him. And it has strongly convicted me. So my goal in this blog is to be truly humble and transparent with you… and please bear with me because it makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable and even a little panicked. (Side note: I was going to write ‘bare with me’ until I realized I would be inviting you all to undress.)
I currently have $6,047 in my account, $4,150 of which is money I sent in myself. I have to raise $15,500 total. It is a daunting sum but God is so good and I am trusting completely that He will take care of me. He already has in so many ways. I can hardly believe the generosity of so many. So THANK YOU. Thank you to those who have prayed for me and my team. Thank you to those who have donated. Thank you to those who have bought bracelets. Thank you to those who have told your friends or family or have posted links on your profiles. Unfortunately, however, I am still quite far from the $15,500 mark. I am still hoping and praying that the Lord will provide me with all of my funds BEFORE I leave in July...and that is less than 5 months from now. EEEK!
So here I am, asking for your help. I need prayer. I mean that with all my heart. Secondly, and quite importantly, I really need money. It is hard for me to ask this of you. It truly is. But, at the same time, it is such a powerful way to join in this ministry and I know from deeply personal experience how much transformation can come from being a prayer warrior for those on the field.
I hope you have heard my heart in this. I hope you have found me to be genuine in my thoughts to you. Thank you for reading this. Thank you for caring. Thank you for your presence in my life, in whatever capacity you are a part of it.
I have had the last FOUR days off work. If you know anything about my work schedule you’ll realize that this is freakishly abnormal.
The outdoor seating area of the restaurant is currently under construction, which closes out a section that would usually hold anywhere from one to three servers. On top of that, business has just been all around slow for the last two weeks. If you’re wondering why, consider this: the average American household spends roughly $1,700 dollars on gifts and accessories for the Christmas holiday. After all that spending no-one wants to go out to eat an expensive meal for a while. They’re all at the gym, sweating out their New Year’s Resolution before they burn out and give up in two weeks. Plus, Florida, the supposed “sunshine state” turned into the Antarctic out of no-where for a few days and no-one could bear to drag themselves out of bed. The weather is back to normal now, thank goodness, (just a spot of amnesia on Florida’s part, I imagine) but for a while there I was sleeping in footie pajamas and about 6 layers of blankets.
Bottom line:business is so slow that our shifts are down to skin and bones. Where I usually work an average of eight shifts a week, I am down to four.
When I first got my schedule, I was a bit frustrated. I need every penny I can muster for my trip and the list of things I need to pay for only seems to grow as time goes on. It’s pretty clear I won’t have anything left over this month to save and my last paycheck, which was a little higher than usual from having to work a double-shift on Christmas day, will have to be used to pay for day-to-day living this month.
In the end, I decided that if I was going to be forced into time off, I’d use those four days to accomplish as much as humanly possible. And truly, I got a LOT done for my trip and I do feel quite relieved, but as it turns out, that was not the true beauty of these few days away.
I realize now that God was getting me alone with Him for another reason altogether. He has been romancing me so much during these few days away. He has given me sweet time with people who encourage my heart. He has shown me of the importance of living a life of love for those around me. He has allowed me to witness a beautiful young woman turn her life over to His trusting arms. And, even when I don’t deserve it, He has reassured me. He has reminded me that He is my Provider; my job is not. He takes care of everything I need.I have nothing worth worrying about.
“If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
"Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.”
(Matthew 6:26-29)
This morning I ran out the door barefoot and with one shoe in my hand, hoping I’d find its missing counterpart on my 10 minute drive to work, which now needed to take me 7 minutes due to the fact that I had spent the extra 3 trying to find said shoe. My purse squeaked as I sat down in my seat and I realized it was still full of Nollie’s toys from the day before.
Yes, I am that girl. You know the one. The girl who other drivers honk at because she’s applying mascara at the stop light even after the light has turned green. It’s quite shameful, I know, but it seems like I just can’t get it together sometimes. I try. I really do. I just always feel like a hamster running in this little wheel called life but never quit managing to catch up.
There’s a word for it in Afrikaans: deurmekaar. It means frazzled, confused, all over the place, a jumbled mess.
Yup, that sounds about right.
Well now that you know that much about me, realize that I have a LOT to accomplish before I leave for the World Race in July: getting my shots, applying for visas, fundraising, garage sales, moving out of my town home, selling my car, dentist appointments, optometrist appointments, purchasing my WR equipment, blogging… not to mention all the carrying-ons of everyday life. I simple cannot comprehend how I’m going to do it all. The thought of it overwhelms me.
Thank God for a mother who is the genetic inverse of me (I swear I got none of her hyper-organized, super-clean genes). She has been ever so kind as to let me borrow her for a whole day this coming Thursday. I can’t wait. Maybe my squiggly lines will meet with her straight ones to form a game-plan.
If you’re the praying type, I would appreciate prayers for all the little details that go along with selling everything and chasing after God for a year (well, for a lifetime, really, but you know what I mean).
That being said, I have made some tough decisions this week:
Decision 1. I know I said in a previous post that I was going to keep my car, but I’ve decided to sell it after all. It just doesn’t seem like the best idea to have a car sitting around for an entire year, getting old and rusty. Plus it’s under 100,000 miles and in good condition, so I feel like I could get a few thousand dollars for it, which will help greatly. It’s a pretty big leap of faith because it means no car when I come back (and no money for a car) but I know God’s got it figured.
Decision 2. I’ve decided not to sponsor little Devli while on the race. The idea of this saddens me. Devli is my little sponsor child in India and I’ve been sponsoring her monthly through World Vision for almost a year. She is 9 years old and has a pretty ballin’ nose-ring. Truth be told, I picked her out because of her nose-ring (don’t judge). I would love more than anything to take care of her while I’m away, but God is reminding me that what I’m doing is more than just sending money every month. I am stepping out of my comfort zone and physically going to India. Granted, that doesn’t help Devli specifically, but it’s what God is calling me to in this season of life. He’s also reminding me that I can’t do everything, and that’s okay. I am not superwoman, but He sure is a super God. He will take care of Devli with or without my help. My stepping down from sponsoring her will open the door for someone else to be that blessing in her life.
This is Devli when I started sponsoring her a year ago. Notice the sweet nose-ring.
This is an updated picture. Devli is the sweetheart in the middle.
So those are my current updates. You are a blessing for reading all of this! I hope your Christmas was positively delightful.
Earlier this week I had some miscellaneous time. You know that awkward in-between amount of time where there isn’t enough of it to be worth going home and then leaving again, but it’s still significant enough that you need to fill it with something? Well, that’s what I had. I had just left from meeting with one of the sweet girls in the youth group on her school lunch break, but my yoga class wasn’t due to begin for another 45 minutes. That gave me half an hour of miscellaneous time to kill. I decided to head toward the gym anyway, and as I drove I passed a cemetery. On a sudden impulse, I yanked my wheel to the left, turning into the parking lot across the street. Grabbing my journal and a pen, I dodged some mid-day traffic and sought out a particularly toasty spot in the sun. I wrote. That is, I wrote until I realized I was sitting in a patch of nettles and an ant pile.
After dancing around to make sure all the little critters were removed from my person, I decided it would be safest to sit on a grave marker. Before I plopped my butt down, I read the inscription: Amy M. Fox, 1889-1974. I wondered about her life. She must have had a very full one; she lived to 85. What were her passions? Her struggles? How many times had she fallen in love? Did she like broccoli? I was so lost in my thoughts that I barely noticed the three people who had come to pay their respect (thankfully not to Amy). They eyed me suspiciously. I am pretty sure they didn’t approve of my seat choice. I considered moving but decided then that Amy wouldn’t mind.
I turned my attention back to my journal and remembered something just then. It was something that Pastor Jason said in church once. It went something like this:
When you look at a tombstone, there is a name and two significant dates: the date of birth and the date of death. What is most important, though, is the dash between the dates, for while the dates signify the beginning and the end, the dash represents the journey. And it is just that: a dash. A race. It is over so quickly and yet what we do with it matters so much.
Somehow sitting on that tombstone put it all into perspective for me. My life is short. In the blink of an eye someone could be sitting on my tombstone and enjoying the afternoon sun. I need to make use of every second. I need to make every moment matter for Christ. I hope you will do the same.
"How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog--it's here a little while, then it's gone."
(James 4:!4)
Daily I am asked questions about the World Race and I notice a lot of the same questions are asked by different people, so I thought maybe this blog post would be interesting to those of you who like to know all the juicy details. Bon Appétit! Eat up.
What is the World Race?
The World Race is an 11 month missionary journey to 11 countries to serve the poor while living amongst real and raw community. It requires stepping out of your comfort zone and being exposed to what God is doing in the world.
Is anyone going with you?
Yes, I am going with an organization called Adventures in Missions and I will be on a team of people who are all around my age (21-35). Our team will be broken into squads. My squad will become my family. They are the ones I will travel alongside, pray with, and do life with for the next year.
Anyone you know personally?
Nope, however, one other team member lives very close to me and we have several mutual friends. I hope to meet with him for coffee in the next few weeks!
Where will you travel?
I will travel across 3 continents and spend one month living in each of the following nations: India, Thailand, Cambodia, Nepal, Vietnam, Kenya, Uganda, Rwanda, Lithuania, Latvia, Estonia and one other Asian country that my team will prayerfully select once we’re on the field.
What will you do there?
My team will volunteer with local ministries in each location doing everything from sharing the gospel to loving on AIDS orphans to helping those trapped in human trafficking to meeting with and encouraging believers in their faith.
So you’re really selling everything you own?
Yes. Really.
My goal is to have the majority of my belongings sold through facebook, ebay and craig’s list. By May I will take the leftover items to specialty stores like used books stores and Plato’s Closet and try to get a few dollars per item there. The next step is garage sales where things will be priced unbelievably cheaply for those Saturday morning bargain-hunters. What’s left will find its home at the Goodwill.
What about your car? Your camera?
These are probably the only two objects I am considering not selling. More than likely I will put a hold on my car insurance, remove my license plate and disconnect the battery while I’m gone. I am still praying about what God will have me do with my camera. Of course, I want more than anything to bring it along. I love showing you my world through my camera lens. I just don’t want to be too fast to say I’m definitely bringing it because ultimately if God calls me to leave it behind, I will. I’m just laying my camera in His hands for now. Someone once told me to always have my ‘yes’ on the table before God even asks. In this case, I suppose, the camera’s on the table.
What will you bring with you?
Each World Racer leaves with a hiker’s pack weighing between 30-40lbs to meet airline weight restrictions. In it will be my sleeping bag, pillow, tent, mess kit, medical kit, 8 days of clothes, 2 pairs of shoes, my Bible, my journal, and my most basic necessities (and trust me, the definition of necessities here is a LOT different than what you have in mind).
What will happen with your boyfriend?
Tony and I are taking things one day at a time. We would like very much to continue to date during the World Race process. We realize this will come with a lot of challenges. It will sometimes mean weeks without communicating, experiences that will be hard to explain and to understand, and of course, not being able to see each other for 11 months. Missing each other could become a distraction if we’re not careful. There are a lot of things for us to consider and we’re seeking God’s direction big-time.
What will you do with your dog?
Technically Nollie is Tony’s dog, although she currently lives with me. By the time I leave for the trip, Tony will be able to have her live with him full-time. I will miss her little puppy paws so!
How does your family feel about this?
My family has been incredibly supportive. I expected this from my dad (he is the dreamer in the family) and my brother (he’s all for independence and having your own life-experiences) but the one that really surprised me was my always-cautious mother. The thought of foreign-travel into potentially dangerous third-world countries usually sends her in a tailspin, but when I told her about the World Race, she looked me straight in the eyes and said, “If you don’t go now you never will.” She hasn’t stopped helping me make bracelet to sell since.
Are you quitting your job?
Yes. My bosses have been gracious and told me there will be a spot open for me when I return if I want it, but I’m leaving my future in God’s hands. Who knows where He’ll have me next?
What happens when you come home?
When I come home I won’t have much, but I will have everything. I may not have a wardrobe bursting with clothes, but I will be clothed in the security of my Papa. I may not have a place to live, but I with my tent on my back I will have the freedom to live anywhere in the world. I may have missed weddings and births and funerals, but I will have gained memories and experiences and testimonies. I know the Lord will shake my world and those of the people I meet with the magical touch of His hand. Don’t worry about me. I will be okay. I will be forever changed.
Can you receive letters and packages while overseas?
I cannot receive packages for any reason other than emergencies. An emergency package contains only one of two things: a debit card to replace a missing one, or medication. The locations I will be living in are very remote. It just isn’t practical to send or receive packages. I can, however, receive and send snail mail when I have access to a post office. Write me.
How can I stay updated on your travels?
To the left of this post you will see a place to type in your email address to receive email alerts each time that I post. I am required to blog once a week up until my launch date. After that point, I will be posting twice a week as long as internet access allows. I promise to post pictures!
How much does the trip cost?
The actually trip costs $15,500, but this amount does not cover a handful of things. It does not cover the cost of travel to and from training, the flight to the start of the Race, the flight back from the end of the Race, medical insurance, the cost of equipment, and some of the visas I will need. I’m guesstimating I will need to raise around $18,000.
When do you need to have your support raised by?
There are several financial deadlines that I have to meet, but I believe that I will be fully-funded before I ever set foot overseas! God will take care of me, I know it.
· 2 weeks before training camp in May $3,500 raised and in World Race account
· 2 weeks before launch in July $6,500 raised and in World Race account
· Month 3 on the field $11,000 raised and in World Race account
· Month 6 on the field $15,500 (fully-funded)
How can I help?
First and foremost I would so appreciate your prayers during this time and also while I travel. Pray for my team’s fundraising efforts and that God would be preparing our hearts in big ways for this God-adventure. Pray for our safety as we travel and that we might bring love and hope wherever we go. Read over the list of the nations we will travel to. Pray for these broken and hurting nations! Pray that the sweet people we meet will be open to hearing the truth of God’s word.
Financially, there are several ways to help. You can donate to my trip as a one-time gift or as monthly donations, allowing you to choose the amount and beginning and end date. If you would like to do this, please make checks payable to Adventures in Missions, PO Box 534470, Atlanta GA, 30353-4470. Make sure to specify that you would like the donation to go to Angelique Sturm or your donation will not be sent to my account. If you would prefer to make a donation online, you may do so by clicking the “Support Me” link in the upper left side of the page and complete your donation as instructed. Keep in mind, though, that a 5% credit card fee will be taken out of the donation for credit card processing.
Another way to help is by buying some of the items I will be posting for sale. Keeps tabs on the photo album titled “Project: Sell Everything I Own” for sweet deals on my goodies.
I am also selling sweet bracelets to raise support, and to wear as a reminder to pray. Each bracelet is hand-made with wooden beads (some are even made from seeds) from around the world and has a hand-stamped charm with the name of one of the eleven countries I will be living in during my travels. 100% of profits go toward paying for my trip to the country listed on the bracelet you buy. Buy some as Christmas gifts for your friends or rock a variety of bracelets yourself. $8.00 each.
Hire me for a photoshoot! All profits will go to my World Race account. I am available for everything from weddings to newborn shoots.
Your support so far has overwhelmed me. Blessings from the bottom of my heart,
Ever since I was a little girl, God has put a sense of wonder in my heart at the thought of seeing the world, of experiencing the vibrant cultures, tasting exotic foods and soaking in the diversity of His creation. I love to travel. There is no doubt about it. What I love more than traveling, though, is traveling with purpose: to share the love and joy of the God who has so radically rocked my world. It’s no surprise then that when I first heard about the World Race on Christmas day 2009, something sparked in my heart and I thought, ‘I have to do this.’ I waited two long years from that point until I finally felt the precious encouragement from Papa God. He said simply: ‘Go.’
The World Race is an 11 month journey to 11 countries across 3 continents. My team will leave in July 2012 to serve alongside churches and ministries in these countries. We will feed the starving, minister to the sick, love on AIDS orphans, share the gospel, and encourage believers in places where less than 1% of the population believes. We will live like the people live, budgeting only $1.25 per meal and traveling as the locals travel. A sleeping bag and tent will be my home for a year. God has also put it on my heart to sell everything I own to go. I am giving Him my most valued and cherished belongings and trusting that what He has for me is better than any material possession. I am giving up all I have to answer His call.
I know that with this adventure will come much adversity and challenges. It would bless me beyond measure if you would commit to pray for me during this time. Your financial help would make a huge difference as well. I have to raise $15,500 to go on the World Race, which covers all my expenses on the field. I plan on using every last bit of my savings, as well as everything I can scrape up from selling my belongings, but it still will not be enough. If you would like to help, this financial support can be given as a one-time gift or as monthly donations, allowing you to choose the amount and beginning and end date. If 30 people pledge $45 for 12 months, I would have 100% of the funds necessary for my trip.
Please make checks payable to Adventures in Missions, PO Box 534470, Atlanta GA, 30353-4470. Make sure to specify that you would like the donation to go to Angelique Sturm or else your donation will not be sent to my account. If you would prefer to make a donation online, you may do so by clicking the “Support Me” link in the upper left side of the page and complete your donation as instructed. Keep in mind, though, that a 5% credit card fee will be taken out of the donation for credit card processing.
There is a thrill in my heart when I think about how God will move in my life and in the lives of others in the coming year. When I leave with my backpack, its contents will be my only possessions in the world. A sleeping bag and tent will be my home. My 8 days of clothing will no doubt become tattered and worn from hand-washing and faded from drying in the sun, but I know with every beat of my heart that it is worth it. I know deep in the pit of my soul that I cannot be comfortable here, in a nation of plenty, while I know that there is a broken world outside its borders. I know all this because it is not about me. It is about the Kingdom. I will give my life to be the hands and feet of a passionate and loving God to a broken and aching world.
May the Lord bless you and keep you! May he make His face to shine on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace. (Numbers 6:24-26)
